Dear Jasmine,
It’s Thanksgiving. Today and the past few I’ve seen a lot of the blogs I read and people I am connected to on Facebook and Twitter talk about what they are thankful for. While I am thankful for a lot in my life it is hard to express that right now. I feel very guilty knowing that my life will be just fine. Val, myself and the children will move on but you can’t.
I’m sure, you being the child you are have moved on in a lot of ways from a surface point of view. I’m sure you are doing things that you can’t verbalize as reacting to being pulled but I’m sure the adults around you see it. If you are sad and upset, I’m so sorry. I wish it were different.
I hear you are going back to your old school on Monday. I hope you make some good friends and kick some butt in school.
I wish people knew how much we miss you and our family is hurting. Especially Val. She loved you greatly and she feels so bad for you. I hope that when our paths do cross again in the future you have a glowing report about how awesome you are doing. However, I do want to make this very clear. Even if you have made great mistakes in life, PLEASE DO NOT hide from us. We’ll work through it. Val and I made our share of mistakes as teenagers, and we’ve worked it out real well. It’s never too late.
Today we put up our Christmas tree, and an ornament with your name is on our tree. It will remain on our tree until we die. You are part of our family, and you belong there.
I hope you’ve had a great Thanksgiving.
Your dad (if even for only 5 months),
Clarence
P.S. I don’t know when or how you will find this, but this is the fourth post directed toward you. It will not be the last. There will be days when I am thinking of you and I will send a shout out to you. I’m so sad for me, but it is nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.