Today marks the day we celebrate Fathers Day around our diverse country. Unfortunately this day is a broken day for many. For 15 years of my life it meant nothing to me. My dad had died and I had no father figure.
Back then, this was a rarity. Everybody seemed to have a dad, maybe not a great dad, but a dad.
So I have no memories of my dad teaching me life and what it means to be a man. I have no memories of my dad wrestling with me and overall just showing me who is boss.
I had no father and I paid for it… but I also benefited from it. Not having a dad meant that I didn’t have a bad example. Anything I was to become in respect to being a dad was going to be new and raw.
That journey started when I was just 18 years old. Nowhere near ready to be a dad, but ready or not the journey was starting. My precious son was born to two scared to death teenagers. This son was watching his mom and dad get their high school diploma when he was six months old. This son was there the day his mom and dad became husband and wife. This son was there when his mom and dad became Christians and were baptized. He was there during some very formative years. Who we were going to be was nowhere near defined. This was the time frame when I thought $8 per hour was acceptable and $12 was awesome. By the grace of God I knew it had to be different for him. I knew that who I am will shape who he will become. Today I am so proud of this son, to see him be so much more than I am. Some dads may feel challenged by that fact, but the fact that he, at times, is a better man then me… makes me very proud. That June, fathers day meant something to me for really the first time ever.
Then just a year later our family of three had become a family of four. My little girl was just newborn as we celebrated our second fathers day as a family. What a daddy’s girl she has become. She and I share a connection that I don’t share with any of my other children. When I slip in a subtle joke she gets it. She and I then get to share a few seconds of shared laughter while the rest of the children are trying to catch up. I love the “OK Daddy” replies I get when I ask her to do something. She brings out the soft side in her big rough dad. It is so humbling to see her excel at school as she does. It just comes naturally to her and she barely has to try. I can’t wait to see how she utilizes that gift as she enters womanhood.
Next we thought we were done adding to the specialness of this day when our second son was born. In 2001 I was now the father of three children on fathers day. They say if you have enough children you will eventually have yourself. This one is it for me… and I LOVE IT! If there is ever going to be one of our children suspended in school for fighting or brought home by the police for doing something stupid… its this one. What I love about him is that, like me, one day ‘it’ will flip (and there is some thought that this may have happened late this school year). All of those tendencies that make him the one that makes us earn our parenting stripes will be the same tendencies that put him on the moon! He won’t be one that is satisfied with being a supporting cog in a system, he will want to be at the front of the line risking his life while doing it. He will have such a passion for whatever he commits to that failure will just not be an option. I can’t wait for that fire to come out of him.
Now I thought I was done being a father to new children but plans changed and in 2005 there was yet another boy in the house. Though I wasn’t ready to claim him as my own at this point. I even remember telling my wife to leave him out of it for this year. I was trying to protect my heart a bit because it was not a given that he would be ours. That changed by time fathers day 2006 came around. We were well on our way to adopting him and by this time the loving nature of this boy had broken any shield that I had around my heart. It was around this time when the responsibility of being a father truly hit me. There was no doubting by this point that my life would significantly impact the life’s of others, for good or bad.. I was going to significantly influences families for generations to come. This son, is so special to me. When I come home it is him that runs to me and gives me the biggest hugs and kisses. I just love seeing his face light up as he runs to me. I am so going to miss that when he becomes to cool to do that.
Again, I kind of thought we were done. Again I was wrong. Today will be the first Sunday I celebrate as a father of five. She and I are still working out what life will mean together but she is here. More so than any of the others, my relationship with her will have a life changing impact. All the others went through some trials with us as a family, but we were still a family. This little girl was wondering in the desert basically alone. This is so new I can’t even post the picture I want to post. I can’t wait until we get to see how she takes an opportunity that I never had and runs with it. I never had a dad come in and claim me as my own, it was just me and my mom. It will certainly be a wild ride ahead.
Now in this post I have focused on my children. However one thing that really stuck out to me as I was looking for images for this post was all the other children that I have had deep interaction with all the years. Many of them fatherless children. I know that as I see some of them now, we have a good interaction together and I’m sure some of the ones I saw in the pictures that I haven’t seen in a while… would remember me and we would have a moment of connection if we did see each other. I know that as a dad in today’s culture I am important. As a man in today's culture… you are important (if you’re a man of course). We need a revolution of men in this country, because without it there will continue to be 1 Million plus abortions a year. Without it, boys will continue to grow up to be cowardly men that run from their responsibilities as ‘men’. So if your a man… be a man! If you’re a father… be a better man!
Finally I close this post with an announcement. This will serve as the last post on www.cincifamily.com as it is now. I am not sure what it will become moving forward, but it won’t be a blog as the current site is. There will be a public aspect of it where I share thoughts like this. However it will not be prominent. I have no time table for this change, but to the folks that read this (the ones that comment and the ones that don’t)… thanks for sharing with me in my journey. Today marks the end of this chapter and a beginning of another. I’m not sure what words and thoughts will be in this next chapter, but one thing is certain… it will impact my family for generations to come because I’m a father to five precious children. I am a father to three future dads. I am a father to two girls who will pick their husband largely due to the way they see me treat them and their mom. I’m going to fall short on occasion and that’s OK… because as I recently heard on Focus on the Family, “Some things are so important that they are worth doing badly.” I don’t have this father thing figured out, but hopefully my children pick up the good and learn from the bad.
It’s a blessed life.