Today was not a good day, especially in light of the past month.
Around mid-day my wife calls me up and says that her parents want us at their house tonight. No questions asked, just be there.
Figured it was one of three things:
1. Somebody won some money…
2. Somebody has some crazy idea…
3. Somebody is really sick or possibly dying.
Number three is somewhat confirmed by my wife’s sister so my wife is emotionally beat up all day, I get home a bit early to comfort her and be the husband I need to be. Then our land line, which we never use, is ringing off the hook. I answered it and a lady asked for me. Turns out the man that I count as my grandfather died quickly yesterday. I call him up every 3 to 6 weeks to chat with him, to touch base with him and fill him in on the happenings of my busy family. Its been a little bit since I had called him. 5 weeks ago he was apparently diagnosed with a large amount of cancer. I regret not being able to talk to him, and his natural family was obviously more involved in their own grief then hunting down my number, though I am very thankful that I get to go to his funeral.
I’ll miss my friend. In a life with very few father figures, he was one for me. I loved the banter we had back when Huggins was in town and I liked UC. He was a huge UK fan and we would taught each other. He usually won because his team was just better, but it was a fun excuse to talk to him.
So after getting the details I sat down and I cried. The last 5 months have sucked, I’ve lost a lot. I lost friends, I’ve lost mentors, I’ve lost a lot. This loss though, by far hurt the most. I honestly don’t think I’ve hurt this bad for a death in the family since my grandma died many years ago. That death was a bit of a life moment for me it when I came to grips with a lot of things in life. My fathers death and the death of the natural dream of a family that any young boy will have.
I wonder what this means to me today? What will I look back at a few years from now and say this did for me.
Not that the death of a loved one ever comes when you want it to happen, but it certainly feels like being loaded up on today. Its been a month where I’ve had to really come to grips with the father I need to be and the men around me I need around me to make that happen. Its been a month where another church gets put in the, ‘this isn’t going to work’ basket. Its been a month where I have no idea what is next.
Then to top it all off, we drive to my wife’s parents house to find out what the news is. Turns out my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. Not a fatal diagnoses, but cancer is nothing you really want to test. The real bad thing for this is that it is breast cancer. My wife’s grandma died of a non-environmental cancer, and now her mom has started the battle. It raises the odds that one day we will have to fight that battle as well.
Not a good day, week, or month.
I hope things start to turn around because this is getting hard.