Over the past few weeks I've been considering dreams. Not the kind of dreams you have at night but the kind of dreams you have for yourself and others. Dreams about the future of your family, dreams about the future of your church, dreams about all sorts of things. Recently I had to let a dream head toward what appears to be its death. I won’t cover what died, as its not really appropriate for this blog at this time.
During this time of reflection I started to read a book by Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Was one of the most painful books I've ever read. As many faithful readers of my blog know my dad died when I was 3 years old in a house fire. A dream that died before I ever had the know-how to dream. Since then I have had a dream for that father figure. That guy that is my rock, that guy that is the stabling point of my faith when I let things get to me. The man that not only has the courage to correct me when I am wrong, but the life and deeds of his own that make me WANT to listen. That guy who is in the right proximity of my family at the right time. I've yet to find that guy. In a lot of ways I'm not sure that guy exists and I struggle to put that view on Jesus, I think it has to be more a community of men.
All of that is what was covered in the book. So while I’m kind of struggling with the death of one dream, I am reading and remembering the old death of another while getting a heavy burden about what I need to do so my children have that dream fulfilled. I have a slew of post in mind in relation to the book by Robert Lewis and the role of a daddy. The more I read about the importance of a daddy the more I feel unequipped personally, and woefully unequipped from a support system point of view.
I just feel burdened, alone, and very unsure about what is next in life. Not sure where I’d be without my wife by my side.
As a side note, Christian or not… go buy that book. It is worth the read for any father of boys.