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So tomorrow is fathers day.  A bit of a bitter sweet holiday.  Friday is my 32nd birthday.

Two days that always put me in a state of reflection. 

When I was three years old my dad died in a house fire, so I recognize that tomorrow is never guaranteed.  I recognize that not having tomorrow would affect many more people than just me.

Every fathers day I am thankful for the fact that my children know who I am.  If I were to die today, my oldest three would have very specific and fun memories of their dad.  My youngest, not so sure.  I actually do talk to them about this at certain times.  Not to take ‘tomorrow’ for granted and to be grateful for what is a pretty functional, two-parent household.

In many ways I’m thankful for the events that happened in 1981.  It has made me who I am today.  My dad has a mixed legacy.  Some people have great memories of him, others have horrific memories of him.  Many have both… I often wonder who I’d be had my father had a part in raising me.  What would he have taught me?  How would his parenting have influenced mine?  In large part, due to the negative I have heard about, I am thankful that I started my fatherhood with a clean slate.  I had no example on how to be a dad.  I’ve truly been winging it for 13 years.  Looking at my friends and seeing how they behave as dads.  Trying to take what is good and impress that upon my children. 

As I sat here in a period of reflection, Danny Gokey’s music video came on TV.  “My Best Days Are Ahead of Me.”  God willing, my best days are ahead of me.

I’m old enough to look back on life and see what I’ve done right and what I’ve done wrong.  I’m young enough to look forward and dream about another 40+ years of life. As I get to watch my parenting come to fruition as my children move onto adult hood.  Where they will choose a career, a spouse, and hopefully a grounding in the Christian faith.  I know the importance of daddy.  I know that what I do to them will influence the decisions they make then.  I dream about watching my 13 year old father my grandchildren.  My 12 year old loving her husband and nurturing my grandchildren.  My 9 year old… my ball of fire, refining that energy into a laser focus to what he focuses on in life.  My 5 year old growing up with an appreciation for what he has due to a string of events that happened when he was just 5 months old.  I envision celebrating a marriage that has lasted 50+ years at a time when marriage of 10 years are rare, much less 50. I dream about the great victories.  I dream about, through being a foster parent, what children will come through our doors and I will be their daddy, if only for a temporary moment in time. I have a healthy respect and fear for the unknown.  I know that anything can  happen today that changes those dreams dramatically. 

So here’s to dreaming about the future.

There are two life changing moments in my life.  Once, when my wife and I were baptized.  But before that, was when our son was born.

We were two young children, having a child.  Life was forever different, exactly 13 years ago from the date of this post.

Our little baby, that has grown up with his parents, is now officially a teenager. 

Life was so uncertain, there was no telling where this young family would go.  There was no real reason to believe we’d last.  That this little baby would have any real hope for a future. 

Yet, here we are.  Some children in our position use their age as an excuse.  They would do stupid things and in the end, the loser is everybody.  Yet, but the grace of God we survived.  We moved forward and onward.  We were blessed along the way.  We made good choices along the way.  We got lucky along the way.  We messed up along the way.  Yet, here we are.

This baby is now the heart of our family.  He is an amazing son, whom I am proud to be his dad.  Its been a fun 13 years, and I am looking forward to the adventure that will be the next 13.

Happy Birthday Son!

This post is a bit belated, as I generally like to post this a few days before the end of the year. 

To wrap 2009 up in a few words, “IT SUCKED!”

The year started off with great hope, as we were getting ready to work for our next daughter.  We were ready for the adventure that would await.  We ended up getting our daughter and it was tough.  It was very hard, but we were committed to the long haul and making her life the best it could be.  But all of that abruptly ended in November.  The time with her will forever paint 2009 for our family.  Dear Jasmine, we still miss you.

Sprinkled throughout the year were a lot of other bad moments.  Two were thrown upon us in 2 hours time.

We had gotten a call to go to a family members house for an important discussion, we knew that this was likely a serious illness.  Likely cancer.  As we were getting ready to go to this family members house I answered the phone, it was a long time ‘friend’ Howard’s daughter.  Telling me that Howard had died.  Howard was a 74 year old man that I talked to every 4 to 6 weeks to touch base with him.  I always saw him as a grandfather figure, my wife and his wife describe it as a father/son relationship.  He had a month long fight with cancer, and in all their rush to battle the cancer they couldn’t find my number to let me know.  So I never got to have that final conversation with my dear friend.  Then we went to the family members house and found out that this family member had breast cancer.

That family member is OK as far as I have been told, but I still miss my friend Howard.  I think about him often.

This year also had a few spats with the local law.  I got a $170 ticket that was the most bogus ticket I’ve ever gotten.  I will never respect the law enforcement agencies again.  I wait for my call to jury duty, as I will be very honest and let them know that I will make anybody I have to judge… innocent.  So I doubt they’ll let me serve. Then we got some citations for not having our dog’s properly registered.  Didn’t even know we had to register them.  A warning would have been sufficient, but in a year where budgets are hurting the government does what the government does best… fine you.

We had yet another church fail.  This one was particularly hard to swallow.  Overall, really a good church fit for my family.  But their Elder said something whole fully inaccurate to my wife, and when I confronted him on it (Matthew 18), he basically called her a liar.  I have a low tolerance for leaders like that.  I can deal with regular members, but when the leadership is that screwed up it is time to leave.

And one of the worst things of all, Barack Obama was elected.  That may seem extreme, but his policies and the way he has done business has the great potential of destroying America.  We can’t spend like he is spending.  We couldn’t spend like Bush was spending, and he is making Bush look like an child.

Now, there were some good things in the year.  I did take a new job.  I had a memorable trip with my oldest son.  We went to Disney as a family.  It is never all bad, but this year certainly wasn’t fun.

So I’m a bit out of words to say.  I’ve had this blog up, and just don’t feel like blogging.  So lets start with bit of a recap since my June 21st post.

Not too long after that we took a family trip to the mouse in the south.  Started a new job. Went through a few months of youth football hell. Graduated a child from a peanut allergy. Attended a few churches, returned to a church. Got a daughter. Lost a daughter.

Let me start with the big one.  In my June 21st post I mentioned how we were very close to having our new daughter.  She moved in and things were rough.  Rougher than I would have ever imagined.  But we were making progress and building a family bond.  However, that was cut short on November 13th when she was pulled from our house.  The fear being how we will react if she reacts.  Yeah, it was about that stupid.  I’m not going to dig into that much in this post, but some of my prior post may shed light on this.  The only thing that gives me some personal balance is that several of the people ‘in the know’ of the situation were supportive of my wife and I.  To be honest… she should still be with us, and we will forever miss her.

We took our family vacation down in Florida.  Was a good time as a family, Walt Disney World wasn’t near as fun as I would have expected.  Maybe if we would have hit a few of the other parks.  The house we rented was pretty nice, wife got a good win on that one.  Tried to see the shuttle launch, but it got delayed. 

Went to several beaches, and even took a turn at indoor skydiving. 

One of the things that defined my summer was youth football.  We put my active son into football because we thought it was the perfect sport for him.  He has a bit of a wild side in him.  However, football was no fun.  He barely played and when he did, all that aggressiveness in him was replaced with the uncertainty in him.  Not sure if there will be a year two for him, because for all of that limited playing time there was 7 to 10 hours of time committed to each week… just not sure it is worth it. 

The only thing that makes me second guess that is the fact that my first year of basketball had about five minutes of playing time in it, but that sport is one of the key things that kept me out of trouble.

One bit of fun this summer was our baby outgrowing his peanut allergy. 

Ever since his grandma fed him a peanut butter cracker, we have had to avoid peanuts with our baby.  Then while we were in Florida we got a call letting us know that he was officially allergy free!  However, I was in between insurance so we weren’t going to take the chance.  We scheduled a ‘peanut butter party’ and had Collin’s best friend over for the fun.  We had peanut butter candy all over the place, and I’m glad to say that no reaction happened!  Though peanut butter sandwiches are not something he likes to eat at all.

Church life, version 2009, has been pretty poor… and since my June 21st post I can’t say things are looking much better.  Not 100% sure which churches fell where, but I think we left one church after attending for several months.  Good church, just not on the same page when it came to theology.  Then another church… just don’t think us being there is best, or desired, for/by all involved.   Finally we ended up attending our first church all over again.  Lots of long time friends still there, and its a safe place to lay low for a while. 

Then the last ‘bright’ side in the past few months was a job change.  Was the time to move on from my previous job.  The new job has been a mixed bag, sort of.  Overall pretty pleased with it, but the past few months had several 70 hour plus weeks.  Though that has finally settled down and life is ‘normal’ again. 

There you are, that’s been life at a glance.  Lets be honest, this is 5 months I don’t want to live through again.

  Today marks the day we celebrate Fathers Day around our diverse country.  Unfortunately this day is a broken day for many.  For 15 years of my life it meant nothing to me.  My dad had died and I had no father figure.

Back then, this was a rarity.  Everybody seemed to have a dad, maybe not a great dad, but a dad. 

So I have no memories of my dad teaching me life and what it means to be a man.  I have no memories of my dad wrestling with me and overall just showing me who is boss.

I had no father and I paid for it… but I also benefited from it. Not having a dad meant that I didn’t have a bad example.  Anything I was to become in respect to being a dad was going to be new and raw.

That journey started when I was just 18 years old.  Nowhere near ready to be a dad, but ready or not the journey was starting.  My precious son was born to two scared to death teenagers.  This son was watching his mom and dad get their high school diploma when he was six months old.  This son was there the day his mom and dad became husband and wife.  This son was there when his mom and dad became Christians and were baptized.  He was there during some very formative years.  Who we were going to be was nowhere near defined.  This was the time frame when I thought $8 per hour was acceptable and $12 was awesome.  By the grace of God I knew it had to be different for him.  I knew that who I am will shape who he will become.  Today I am so proud of this son, to see him be so much more than I am.  Some dads may feel challenged by that fact, but the fact that he, at times, is a better man then me… makes me very proud.  That June, fathers day meant something to me for really the first time ever. 

Then just a year later our family of three had become a family of four.  My little girl was just newborn as we celebrated our second fathers day as a family.  What a daddy’s girl she has become.  She and I share a connection that I don’t share with any of my other children.  When I slip in a subtle joke she gets it. She and I then get to share a few seconds of shared laughter while the rest of the children are trying to catch up.  I love the “OK Daddy” replies I get when I ask her to do something.  She brings out the soft side in her big rough dad.  It is so humbling to see her excel at school as she does.  It just comes naturally to her and she barely has to try.  I can’t wait to see how she utilizes that gift as she enters womanhood.

Next we thought we were done adding to the specialness of this day when our second son was born.  In 2001 I was now the father of three children on fathers day.  They say if you have enough children you will eventually have yourself.  This one is it for me… and I LOVE IT!  If there is ever going to be one of our children suspended in school for fighting or brought home by the police for doing something stupid… its this one.  What I love about him is that, like me, one day ‘it’ will flip (and there is some thought that this may have happened late this school year).  All of those tendencies that make him the one that makes us earn our parenting stripes will be the same tendencies that put him on the moon!  He won’t be one that is satisfied with being a supporting cog in a system, he will want to be at the front of the line risking his life while doing it.  He will have such a passion for whatever he commits to that failure will just not be an option.  I can’t wait for that fire to come out of him. 

Now I thought I was done being a father to new children but plans changed and in 2005 there was yet another boy in the house.  Though I wasn’t ready to claim him as my own at this point.  I even remember telling my wife to leave him out of it for this year.  I was trying to protect my heart a bit because it was not a given that he would be ours.  That changed by time fathers day 2006 came around.  We were well on our way to adopting him and by this time the loving nature of this boy had broken any shield that I had around my heart.  It was around this time when the responsibility of being a father truly hit me.  There was no doubting by this point that my life would significantly impact the life’s of others, for good or bad.. I was going to significantly influences families for generations to come.  This son, is so special to me.  When I come home it is him that runs to me and gives me the biggest hugs and kisses.  I just love seeing his face light up as he runs to me.  I am so going to miss that when he becomes to cool to do that. 

Again, I kind of thought we were done.  Again I was wrong.  Today will be the first Sunday I celebrate as a father of five.  She and I are still working out what life will mean together but she is here.  More so than any of the others, my relationship with her will have a life changing impact.  All the others went through some trials with us as a family, but we were still a family.  This little girl was wondering in the desert basically alone. This is so new I can’t even post the picture I want to post.  I can’t wait until we get to see how she takes an opportunity that I never had and runs with it.  I never had a dad come in and claim me as my own, it was just me and my mom.  It will certainly be a wild ride ahead.

Now in this post I have focused on my children.  However one thing that really stuck out to me as I was looking for images for this post was all the other children that I have had deep interaction with all the years. Many of them fatherless children.  I know that as I see some of them now, we have a good interaction together and I’m sure some of the ones I saw in the pictures that I haven’t seen in a while… would remember me and we would have a moment of connection if we did see each other.  I know that as a dad in today’s culture I am important.  As a man in today's culture… you are important (if you’re a man of course).  We need a revolution of men in this country, because without it there will continue to be 1 Million plus abortions a year.  Without it, boys will continue to grow up to be cowardly men that run from their responsibilities as ‘men’.  So if your a man… be a man!  If you’re a father… be a better man!

Finally I close this post with an announcement.  This will serve as the last post on www.cincifamily.com as it is now.  I am not sure what it will become moving forward, but it won’t be a blog as the current site is.  There will be a public aspect of it where I share thoughts like this.  However it will not be prominent.  I have no time table for this change, but to the folks that read this (the ones that comment and the ones that don’t)… thanks for sharing with me in my journey.  Today marks the end of this chapter and a beginning of another.  I’m not sure what words and thoughts will be in this next chapter, but one thing is certain… it will impact my family for generations to come because I’m a father to five precious children.  I am a father to three future dads.  I am a father to two girls who will pick their husband largely due to the way they see me treat them and their mom.  I’m going to fall short on occasion and that’s OK… because as I recently heard on Focus on the Family, “Some things are so important that they are worth doing badly.”  I don’t have this father thing figured out, but hopefully my children pick up the good and learn from the bad.

It’s a blessed life.

So the weekend is over.  It was all that I wanted it to be, though I won’t know its full extent for many years.  Will my son, as a man my age, look back at this and remember it as life changing?  Will it impact his decisions for the next 10 years?

Now for a blow by blow recap.

Friday started off just as I wanted it to, 10AM departure.  Would mean that we should arrive in Florida around 11PM.  We got in the car, got some food and hit the road. After my son got done eating, I put in the tape series by Dr. James Dobson, Preparing for Adolescents.  It covered a wide range of topics and as I saw the notes my son was taking, I knew he was getting part of it.  I would occasionally pause it and ask some questions to make sure he wasn’t zoning out and to expand on some of the messages.  Hopefully the transformation from a boy to a teen will be made a little easier due to this tape series.  It has at least opened the line of communication for him on some touchy topics.

I will say for the road trip, it was pretty uneventful.  However I hit Atlanta at rush hour.  I have never been so intimidated by traffic as I was then.  Also if there is an economic problem, somebody needs to let them know.  I’ve never seen so many skyscrapers (relative to a md size city…) under development.  At one point I had to break my diet a bit.  Hardee’s removed all local establishments, and I just love their ‘thickburgers’… yummmm.

We got to our hotel, which leads me to a side rant.  DO NOT USE EXPEDIA!  They are awful.  They actually cost me money at this hotel.  They are good to find hotels, but verify your rates before you book through them.  I could have saved 40% had I booked directly.  The hotel we got was awful.  Smelled like ‘old folk’…

Saturday we woke up and met my cousin for breakfast.  Yet one more diet breaker… Denny’s (who also removed all local establishments).  It was fun to catch up with her and see her growing children.  She was my tour guide for the day, as she knew where we were going.  This did remind me of something though.  At our last family vacation at the Great Smokies, there was several times I was stuck behind a very slow driver in the mountains.  Every time.  EVERY TIME, it was a person from Florida.  Florida did not disappoint again, going 35 in a 55… people really need to start being retested when they hit 50 years old.  Driving is not a right!

Finally we made it to what was the ultimate reason for our trip to Florida.  My mom’s wedding.  Odd feelings about this really.  Met (and spoke to) her future husband for the first time about 20 minutes before the wedding.  I just found out about this a few weeks ago, so I’ve still not fully processed my thoughts on the subject.  A good friend of mine said something to me recently that I think relates.  He said, when discussing churches, that I am very slow to trust people and that I should just let things play out a bit.  I think this totally fits, though 13 hours separate me and her new husband, so I don’t see ways for this to change significantly.  I do hope for the best for my mom, but at 30 years old and 13 hours away, I can’t say he and I will have any serious connection anytime soon.  In the end, she’s a grown women and is plenty old enough to take care of herself!

Went to a local barbeque establishment for the after wedding celebration.  Had fun messing with my other cousin for a bit, then we headed north to our next hotel.  Made it there without incident, then I started putting my thoughts to paper and preparing for what was to be the capstone of this trip with my son.

During my research, I realized I fell backwards into a very special day (on top of the special day it was going to be for us anyways!).  Sunday was the 148th year anniversary of when the civil war started at Ft. Sumter, and April 12th, 2009 also happened to be the day that we Christians remember the rising of our Lord from the dead.  We were on very sacred ground on a very sacred day.

We woke up on Sunday at 6AM and headed North.  Again fairly uneventful drive.  We made it to the ticket office to buy two tickets on the ferry to take us to Ft. Sumter.

When we arrived a park ranger came out and told us about the day being the anniversary, and due to that they only had one flag up today.  Instead of 5 that they normally have.  It was the 38 starred flag. 

Before we started I set my son down and I had ‘the talk’ with him.  The talk about being a man.  I gave him expectations for a man and more importantly expectations for the man HE will be.  I am attaching my notes to this blog post.  I debated that, but the truth is that I know several men who ‘look up’ to me and value some of the things I am trying to do as a man.  So anything I can do to help them (or any man for that matter) will be done.

The main message I wanted him to take away from this was what was expected and that from today on, everything has changed.  No longer will I look at him as a child.  I will now look at him as a man in the making.

Then we toured the Fort and headed home.

Now while we were out my wife had her own little surprise in store.  She totally revamped his room to get rid of the childish look of it and look more like a teen’s room.  I was very impressed with it, and it didn’t cost much thanks to CraigsList.org.  I enjoyed tormenting him through the weekend about some surprise that he had waiting for him at home.

It was really fun to hang with my son and give him a lot of what I didn’t have at his age.  Every boy deserves a man in their lives to look up to.

1853.1 miles in a car with my son.  Priceless.

This weekend marks a big day for my family.  My oldest son and I are going on a road trip, with a purpose! Several years ago while listening to Focus On The Family they were talking about a tape series.  “Preparing for Adolescents”, which covers EVERYTHING that a preteen will face over the next 10 or so years, from peer pressure, to puberty, to sex.  Very detailed in nature, but it is meant to open a very frank conversation that will hopefully last you through the teen years as your child becomes an adult, or in this case my boy becomes a man!  The plan is that you go on a memorable trip and listen to the series on the way.  The child will be given a notebook and a pen to take any notes they want to take, and have the full ability to stop the tape at anytime if a subject needs to be expanded on.  

So our road trip will put us in the car for 13 hours from home to Florida, where on Friday night we will crash in a hotel.  Waking up to go see my mom get married.  Then after that we will head to Savanna, Georgia and crash in a hotel again for the night.  Sunday morning we will wake up and go to Ft. Sumter.  This is where the memory hopefully becomes something worth remembering.

As readers of my blog know, I recently read the book, Raising a Modern Day Knight.  This is my first attempt at implementing that book.  It will be a time where I have a frank talk with my boy about what I expect from him over the next 10 years during his journey to manhood.  What it means to be a man, and how I expect him to fully embrace that calling.  I will go over each element of the crest included in this image.  It is something I recently had designed by a friend, and every element in it represents something in my family.  It is so touching that this conversation will happen on Easter Sunday at the start of what was a radical change for our country.  Two new beginnings represented in one setting.  Encouraging a third new beginning.  The day my boy starts his journey to being a man of honor and integrity.

I pray and hope that 20 years from now as my boy is a man, he can look back on this weekend as the point his life changed.

Also as an adoption note, things have drastically changed over the last three days.  Please keep my family in your prayers as the decisions we will make over the next two weeks may change our life’s forever.

February 1997 as an 18 year old father I took a job at Celotex.  The location I worked at was a shingle mill.  We made ton’s of shingles, from your basic 3-Tab shingle to the elite ‘Presidential Shake’ shingle.  We put out a lot… of garbage.  Really it shocks me to think about how much trash we put out the door that later came back to us. 

It was a union shop.  I was actually a union steward for a period.  At times we had 150+ people working there during my 3 years stint at that location.  At other times it employed thousands of people.  But this thing happened, creative destruction. Celotex did not adapt, companies like Owens Corning did.  The end result was that Celotex went out of business.  I quit six months before the location I was at went out of business for good, because I saw it coming and at that time I had a couple babies to take care of with one on the way. 

Creative destruction is really the corner stone of capitalism.  You have to let things die, companies are not immortal.  There is no reason why Ford, GM, Chrysler, and AIG should be considered to big to fail.  Why? 

Below are some pictures I took today while driving past what used to be Celotex.  A place that used to employ thousands.  Now was just a bulldozed field.

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[Initially Written 3.4.2009]

Today was not a good day, especially in light of the past month.

Around mid-day my wife calls me up and says that her parents want us at their house tonight.  No questions asked, just be there.

Figured it was one of three things:

1. Somebody won some money…

2. Somebody has some crazy idea…

3. Somebody is really sick or possibly dying.

Number three is somewhat confirmed by my wife’s sister so my wife is emotionally beat up all day, I get home a bit early to comfort her and be the husband I need to be.  Then our land line, which we never use, is ringing off the hook. I answered it and a lady asked for me.  Turns out the man that I count as my grandfather died quickly yesterday.  I call him up every 3 to 6 weeks to chat with him, to touch base with him and fill him in on the happenings of my busy family.  Its been a little bit since I had called him.  5 weeks ago he was apparently diagnosed with a large amount of cancer.   I regret not being able to talk to him, and his natural family was obviously more involved in their own grief then hunting down my number, though I am very thankful that I get to go to his funeral.

I’ll miss my friend. In a life with very few father figures, he was one for me.  I loved the banter we had back when Huggins was in town and I liked UC.  He was a huge UK fan and we would taught each other.  He usually won because his team was just better, but it was a fun excuse to talk to him.

So after getting the details I sat down and I cried.  The last 5 months have sucked, I’ve lost a lot.  I lost friends, I’ve lost mentors, I’ve lost a lot.  This loss though, by far hurt the most.  I honestly don’t think I’ve hurt this bad for a death in the family since my grandma died many years ago.  That death was a bit of a life moment for me it when I came to grips with a lot of things in life.  My fathers death and the death of the natural dream of a family that any young boy will have. 

I wonder what this means to me today?  What will I look back at a few years from now and say this did for me.

Not that the death of a loved one ever comes when you want it to happen, but it certainly feels like being loaded up on today.  Its been a month where I’ve had to really come to grips with the father I need to be and the men around me I need around me to make that happen.  Its been a month where another church gets put in the, ‘this isn’t going to work’ basket.  Its been a month where I have no idea what is next.

Then to top it all off, we drive to my wife’s parents house to find out what the news is. Turns out my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage one breast cancer.  Not a fatal diagnoses, but cancer is nothing you really want to test.  The real bad thing for this is that it is breast cancer.  My wife’s grandma died of a non-environmental cancer, and now her mom has started the battle.  It raises the odds that one day we will have to fight that battle as well. 

Not a good day, week, or month.

I hope things start to turn around because this is getting hard.

This is a bit of a long post, but if you read anything... scroll down to the bold section and read it... 

I've not commented much on the latest book I've been reading:

How To Really Love Your Children by Ross Campbell, M.D.

It is actually two books in one:
How to Really Love Your Child - focused on pre-teen and younger.
How to Really Love Your Teenager - focused on teenagers (duh!)

I have just finished the first half, and its been an OK book.  A few things I really like, a few things I violently disagree with.

It goes over how to love your child with eye contact, physical contact, and focused attention.  Then it goes over why a child acts out and such.  

Now one thing that this book did go over kind of changed (or at least made me recognize this as what I believe) my mind.  Basically if a child has discipline issues, it is your job to love them out of it.  When I read this I related it to church.  I've always said that a church should bend over backwards to try and help a person that needs it.  Because the church as a whole is better than the individual person.  I think this fits with children and parents as well.  A parent usually is much better than the child, and if you can try more to help the child then you should.  It isn't up to them to just obey, its up to you to get them to obey.  

However I didn't like how it put, what seemed like, all the burden on the parents for what their children do.  One comment that was made was:
I have never known of one sexually disoriented person who had a warm, loving, and affectionate father.

I thought that was an unfair burden to put on the father... so I emailed a good friend of mine who has a homosexual brother.  This good friend has always talked about how he and his dad did things together as children, and even today they seem pretty close.  Was honestly caught off guard by the answer my friend gave me because it kind of confirmed this statement.  Still think its an unfair statement, but I guess there has to be a lot of truth to it. I'm sure there are many exceptions.

If you read anything, read this!!!

The last part I liked was in the last chapter of part one.  The last chapter is titled:  "Helping Your Child Spiritually"

I am just going to quote part of it:
At this point, let's examine a popular misconception.  It goes something like this: "I want my child to learn to make his own decisions after he is exposed to everything. He shouldn't feel he has to believe what I believe.  I want him to learn about different religions and philosophies; then when he has grown up he can make his own decision."

This parent is copping out or else is grossly ignorant of the world we live in.  a child brought up in this manner is indeed one to be pitied. Without continual guidance and clarification in ethical, moral, and spiritual matters, he will become increasingly confused about his world.  There are reasonable answers to many of life's conflicts and seeming contradictions. One of the finest gifts parents can give a child is a clear, basic understanding of the world and its confusing problems.  Without this stable base of knowledge and understanding, is it any wonder many children cry to their parents, "Why didn't you give me a meaning for all this?  What's it all about?"

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There is a lot of truth in the old statement, "Experience is the best teacher." Let him share in yours.  The sooner a child learns to trust God, the stronger he will become.

Couldn't have put it better myself!