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So, I am going to leave open the fact that I am missing something here.  That I should, as I normally do, totally disagree with Barack Obama.  However, I am having a hard time finding that with this decision.

What decision?  Student loans.  With the ‘health care’ bill, there was a large section that dealt with student loans.  The situation before the current law was very odd to me.  A commercial institution would 'loan money to me, but they had NO RISK.  If I defaulted, the federal government would back up that loan.  Ultimately being held responsible for my debt.  This is why student loan debt is ‘for life’.  You can’t file bankruptcy on it, you either pay it or they will take it from you.  Either by garnishment from your wages, tax return, or ultimately your social security benefits.  However if I paid, the profit made off the loan went to the bank.

I’ve never understood this. 

So what is the situation now?  The federal government is squeezing out the private lenders.  They can no longer make loans backed by the federal government.  Those loans can only come from the federal government. 

I’ve done some searching to figure out why this is bad and I found a few reason brought up:

1. The customer service of the government workers is poor.
• From personal experience, is the customer service of the government worker poorer than the private worker?  Yes.  Is it poorer than Dell’s technical support?  No.  It is adequate, and the truth is… if you pay your bill, you never have to talk to them.
2. Loans in default will skyrocket. 
• I am sure it will go up.  However, student loans are a debt that you cannot get rid of.  So even if they go in default, in the end.. the debt will be collected.  So the fix for this?  Regulate how hard and how defaulted loans are collected.  This is not a showstopper.

If these banks want a piece of this pie, there is NOTHING stopping them from offering student loans that are not backed by the federal government.  Nothing. 

This is one issue, even after reading a bit, I think I have no issues with the federal government taking over. 

Health insurance on the other hand….

You’ve been on my mind a lot lately.  We should be celebrating or finalizing your adoption right now.  Heard some news about you today, and I’m conflicted on my feelings.  I pray it turns out to be something very special for you.  I pray history isn’t repeated for you. 

I look forward to the day our paths cross again.  I hope the story I hear is one of redemption and greatness and not one of pain and desperation. 

I fight great anger toward the people that took you from us.  I hope you know how much you are loved and missed.  I doubt you do, but you are loved and missed. 

Don’t have much more to say today.  More at a loss for words, I just know that I’m thinking of you.

Your dad (if even for only 5 months),
Clarence

P.S. I don’t know when or how you will find this, but this is the seventh post directed toward you.  It will not be the last.  There will be days when I am thinking of you and I will send a shout out to you.  I’m so sad for me, but it is nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.

There are two life changing moments in my life.  Once, when my wife and I were baptized.  But before that, was when our son was born.

We were two young children, having a child.  Life was forever different, exactly 13 years ago from the date of this post.

Our little baby, that has grown up with his parents, is now officially a teenager. 

Life was so uncertain, there was no telling where this young family would go.  There was no real reason to believe we’d last.  That this little baby would have any real hope for a future. 

Yet, here we are.  Some children in our position use their age as an excuse.  They would do stupid things and in the end, the loser is everybody.  Yet, but the grace of God we survived.  We moved forward and onward.  We were blessed along the way.  We made good choices along the way.  We got lucky along the way.  We messed up along the way.  Yet, here we are.

This baby is now the heart of our family.  He is an amazing son, whom I am proud to be his dad.  Its been a fun 13 years, and I am looking forward to the adventure that will be the next 13.

Happy Birthday Son!

This post is a bit belated, as I generally like to post this a few days before the end of the year. 

To wrap 2009 up in a few words, “IT SUCKED!”

The year started off with great hope, as we were getting ready to work for our next daughter.  We were ready for the adventure that would await.  We ended up getting our daughter and it was tough.  It was very hard, but we were committed to the long haul and making her life the best it could be.  But all of that abruptly ended in November.  The time with her will forever paint 2009 for our family.  Dear Jasmine, we still miss you.

Sprinkled throughout the year were a lot of other bad moments.  Two were thrown upon us in 2 hours time.

We had gotten a call to go to a family members house for an important discussion, we knew that this was likely a serious illness.  Likely cancer.  As we were getting ready to go to this family members house I answered the phone, it was a long time ‘friend’ Howard’s daughter.  Telling me that Howard had died.  Howard was a 74 year old man that I talked to every 4 to 6 weeks to touch base with him.  I always saw him as a grandfather figure, my wife and his wife describe it as a father/son relationship.  He had a month long fight with cancer, and in all their rush to battle the cancer they couldn’t find my number to let me know.  So I never got to have that final conversation with my dear friend.  Then we went to the family members house and found out that this family member had breast cancer.

That family member is OK as far as I have been told, but I still miss my friend Howard.  I think about him often.

This year also had a few spats with the local law.  I got a $170 ticket that was the most bogus ticket I’ve ever gotten.  I will never respect the law enforcement agencies again.  I wait for my call to jury duty, as I will be very honest and let them know that I will make anybody I have to judge… innocent.  So I doubt they’ll let me serve. Then we got some citations for not having our dog’s properly registered.  Didn’t even know we had to register them.  A warning would have been sufficient, but in a year where budgets are hurting the government does what the government does best… fine you.

We had yet another church fail.  This one was particularly hard to swallow.  Overall, really a good church fit for my family.  But their Elder said something whole fully inaccurate to my wife, and when I confronted him on it (Matthew 18), he basically called her a liar.  I have a low tolerance for leaders like that.  I can deal with regular members, but when the leadership is that screwed up it is time to leave.

And one of the worst things of all, Barack Obama was elected.  That may seem extreme, but his policies and the way he has done business has the great potential of destroying America.  We can’t spend like he is spending.  We couldn’t spend like Bush was spending, and he is making Bush look like an child.

Now, there were some good things in the year.  I did take a new job.  I had a memorable trip with my oldest son.  We went to Disney as a family.  It is never all bad, but this year certainly wasn’t fun.

It has again been a few weeks since I’ve written.  Again, remember it is not because we aren’t thinking of you.  We think of you daily, and really hourly.  I just can’t put it all out here on the blog, so I limit when I give you a public shout out.

Val wrapped up your Christmas presents.  Since you got pulled so close to the holidays, we want to make sure you are taken care of.  I am sure you will love your gifts and I hope it brings a smile to your face.  I hope some of it is kept for the years so you have it as a keep sake for the family you weren’t allowed to have. 

We have recently found out that you are going to get another foster home.  The one you are at now is getting out of foster care, and you lose because of it.  I think the system has given up on finding you a family and is just looking for you to have a home.  There is a differences.  Understand that you do have a family.  We are here for you.  I don’t know what that means in the future, but I know it will mean something.

As a family we are forced to move forward, and I really hope things get easier as the days go on.  We still have some pretty rough days.  You are loved and missed.

Your dad (if even for only 5 months),
Clarence

P.S. I don’t know when or how you will find this, but this is the sixth post directed toward you.  It will not be the last.  There will be days when I am thinking of you and I will send a shout out to you.  I’m so sad for me, but it is nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.

I’ve read a lot of opinions on Tiger Wood’s and the problems he has had recently.  I do use this blog as a bit of a journal of my thoughts, so I’m going to throw out some thoughts here.

Is it a big deal?

Yes.  Sure, Tiger Woods is “just a sports star.”  BUT, I’m telling you that children look up to these stars in a great way.  Especially when those stars sell themselves as role models.  My oldest son wrote a paper about himself earlier this year, and his role models were players on the Reds.  So yes, it matters when a person like Tiger Woods falls as much as he has fallen.

I’m young enough to remember the effects that Bill Clinton had on America’s youth.  I was in junior high and high school when he was going through his indiscretions.  The change his actions had on the thoughts and actions of teenagers was amazing, and not in a good way.  From, “I tried pot'” to Monica Lewinsky. 

Now, the biggest star of our current time, has taken his marriage and disregarded it in his personal life. I shudder to think what this is going to do to marriage when today’s youth grow up a bit.  Especially as some of the gory details come out.

Women’s rights groups react?

Earlier this week I was taking a vacation day and the upstairs TV was on “The Wendy Williams Show”, as it comes on after the news that my wife watches.  She was talking about how the women’s rights groups were going to jump all over Tiger Woods.  Excuse me??  Last time I checked there were 10 reported women who ignored the marriage vows just as much as Tiger did. 

The State Of Marriage…

Makes me sick.  I’ve sat and watched several friends go through infidelity.  Several, “Christian” friends.  Is it that hard to actually stay committed to your spouse?  I’ve been married for 12 years and have never had the urge to step out on my wife.  We, as a culture, have failed when it comes to honoring marriage so it is no surprise that the very institution of marriage is under attack.  Because “normal” is broke.  I fast forward my life and, God willing, when I am 60 my wife and I can be that couple celebrating 41 years of marriage… and frankly, I feel like we’d be the only ones there.  It is rare today, imagine how rare it will be in 2040. 

Maybe I’m being ‘judgmental’, but some things should be judged, and without apologies.  There are things that must be fought for, even when you aren’t perfect.  Marriage is one such thing. 

I’m fed up!

This year I watched a friendship disappear due to infidelity.  This was not the first friend to go down such a path, but was probably the one I learned the most from.  The next friend will be handled differently.  In the past I’ve tried to be a negotiator, trying to get the offending spouse to “see the light” with reason and logic.  But the truth is, that has never worked.   The next friend will be hit with the truth and realistic consequences of the truth.  I’m tired of watching marriages fall apart.  

Its been a while since I’ve wrote you, but please know its not because you aren’t on our minds and heart. 

I think about you often during the normal course of a day.  I emailed Darlene today, we have some Christmas gifts for you and I hope they let me give them to you.  It will be hard to see you and talk to you.  It has been nearly a month since we’ve talked.  Hard to believe. 

I think I’m to the next stage of grief, I don’t get way down anymore.  Just sad, though that may be because I try not to ponder on it for to long because I know I’d wallow in the sadness of it all if I did.  Val on the other had does get pretty down at times.  We miss you.  We wish you would have never left us.

I wonder what is going through your head.  I wonder how you feel about things.  I’m mixed on what I hope you are feeling.  At one level, I hope you are missing us greatly.  Though at the next level, I hope your child sized brain can’t grasp this and you are blissfully ignorant and just living life as a ten year old would. 

I hope the holiday’s are treating you well.  I miss you.  You will forever be my daughter, even if you are not.

Your dad (if even for only 5 months),
Clarence

P.S. I don’t know when or how you will find this, but this is the fifth post directed toward you.  It will not be the last.  There will be days when I am thinking of you and I will send a shout out to you.  I’m so sad for me, but it is nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.

Everyday I listen to Focus on the Families daily broadcast.  Yesterday something was said that stuck with me.

It’s never a matter of time, its a matter of priorities.

Wow.  How many times have you said, “I don’t have time.”  I know I’ve said it a lot, but it is never a matter of time.  It is always a matter of my priorities.  My priorities have not been right, much.  Forget ‘all the time’, my priorities have often been out of whack.  It is easy to say, “I don’t have time.”  But the sad truth is, I had the time I just didn’t put what I should have put as a priority. 

This year has probably been the worst in that regard.  I spent a lot of time on things that shouldn’t have been the priority they were. 

I’m in the process of reading The Language of Love & Respect as part of my participation in the Thomas Nelson Blogging program.  I was reading the initial chapter which is a review of the Love & Respect book.  A point was made that stuck out to me.

The author was talking about his relationship with his wife and how he reacts.  He put it this way:

Sarah doesn’t cause me to be the way I am; she reveals the way I am.  When I am unloving toward Sarah, it’s because I still have issues; I still have more growing up to do. I have a choice: either admit my failure to be mature or play the victim. As a victim I can blame Sarah, or circumstances, or whatever. But, as a victim, I will not become more mature.

What a statement!  It is easy for people me to blame others for how they are I am. I’m, by nature, a jerk.  I’m 6’2, 240 lbs, with a deep voice and that sets people off very easily.  So it is easy for me to be a jerk, even when I’m not trying.  Though lets be honest.. there are times I do it on purpose and enjoy it. 

It’s easy for me to blame others about my behavior.  Its easy for people to blame others for their actions, but the bottom line is that the individual is responsible for their own action. 

The bottom line is that I am responsible for my own actions and nobody else.

So I’m a bit out of words to say.  I’ve had this blog up, and just don’t feel like blogging.  So lets start with bit of a recap since my June 21st post.

Not too long after that we took a family trip to the mouse in the south.  Started a new job. Went through a few months of youth football hell. Graduated a child from a peanut allergy. Attended a few churches, returned to a church. Got a daughter. Lost a daughter.

Let me start with the big one.  In my June 21st post I mentioned how we were very close to having our new daughter.  She moved in and things were rough.  Rougher than I would have ever imagined.  But we were making progress and building a family bond.  However, that was cut short on November 13th when she was pulled from our house.  The fear being how we will react if she reacts.  Yeah, it was about that stupid.  I’m not going to dig into that much in this post, but some of my prior post may shed light on this.  The only thing that gives me some personal balance is that several of the people ‘in the know’ of the situation were supportive of my wife and I.  To be honest… she should still be with us, and we will forever miss her.

We took our family vacation down in Florida.  Was a good time as a family, Walt Disney World wasn’t near as fun as I would have expected.  Maybe if we would have hit a few of the other parks.  The house we rented was pretty nice, wife got a good win on that one.  Tried to see the shuttle launch, but it got delayed. 

Went to several beaches, and even took a turn at indoor skydiving. 

One of the things that defined my summer was youth football.  We put my active son into football because we thought it was the perfect sport for him.  He has a bit of a wild side in him.  However, football was no fun.  He barely played and when he did, all that aggressiveness in him was replaced with the uncertainty in him.  Not sure if there will be a year two for him, because for all of that limited playing time there was 7 to 10 hours of time committed to each week… just not sure it is worth it. 

The only thing that makes me second guess that is the fact that my first year of basketball had about five minutes of playing time in it, but that sport is one of the key things that kept me out of trouble.

One bit of fun this summer was our baby outgrowing his peanut allergy. 

Ever since his grandma fed him a peanut butter cracker, we have had to avoid peanuts with our baby.  Then while we were in Florida we got a call letting us know that he was officially allergy free!  However, I was in between insurance so we weren’t going to take the chance.  We scheduled a ‘peanut butter party’ and had Collin’s best friend over for the fun.  We had peanut butter candy all over the place, and I’m glad to say that no reaction happened!  Though peanut butter sandwiches are not something he likes to eat at all.

Church life, version 2009, has been pretty poor… and since my June 21st post I can’t say things are looking much better.  Not 100% sure which churches fell where, but I think we left one church after attending for several months.  Good church, just not on the same page when it came to theology.  Then another church… just don’t think us being there is best, or desired, for/by all involved.   Finally we ended up attending our first church all over again.  Lots of long time friends still there, and its a safe place to lay low for a while. 

Then the last ‘bright’ side in the past few months was a job change.  Was the time to move on from my previous job.  The new job has been a mixed bag, sort of.  Overall pretty pleased with it, but the past few months had several 70 hour plus weeks.  Though that has finally settled down and life is ‘normal’ again. 

There you are, that’s been life at a glance.  Lets be honest, this is 5 months I don’t want to live through again.